Lana Del Rey - Ride

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Py_-3di1yx0

You ..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNzCDt2eidg

It was that day when I thought that everything will change...  

That I will feel something...

That life would have a special meaning...

I saw that picture of you...

And imagine our whole life together...

How you will be beside me every night...

How I will wake up beside you every morning with the biggest smile on my face...

How you will take my hand away from this cruel world... and take me to your world...

And how its me and you against the world...

You were in my head every second of the day...

When I was watching TV, in the shower...in my bed... in my car... when I'm eating...

I couldn't stop thinking about you...

And how your name was stuck in my head...

And my hands kept pressing that folder that holds your picture...

And then it shocked me...that you were not the one I imagined...

Instead you were a heart broken man...

She broke your heart and left you fragile and weak without anything at all...

And that it will take you a while to get over it...

And that your heart is bleeding and in pain...

There is no way that you will see me, come to me unless you completely healed...

I can't help but think how if things were just different...

How if you were not heart broken... and you were healthy with a healthy heart and soul...

How I will give you my life , my heart , my eyes my everything ..

Make your life a colorful journey...

I went to bad last night thinking about you...

About the details of your face...

Of how your lips were shaped for mine...

And your fingers filling the space between mine...

The warmth of your body against mine...

It all came to my head...and just had a complete picture of our life together...

I had to go to sleep to end all these illusions in my head...

Woke up to find myself somewhere else...

Where was I?

Oh yeah, it's my room...

Thinking about you made me lose my mind...

I woke up got dressed and for a reason found myself with a camera and a laptop heading to my favorite cake shop...

I went there... and... Oh... my...my heart stopped beating...

You were there... with a friend of yours...

How is this true? How can I think about you and see you the next day??

I sat down on my laptop... and suddenly found myself sitting beside you...

You were there talking...and I couldn't hear anything because my heart and brain were memorized by your appearance...

You can't imagine how long I waited to see that smile of yours...

How longing my heart was for you...

I sat there with you and it was like I am on the top of the world... in a whole different place...

We left the cake shop...

Finding myself in your car...

And how you were right there beside me...

My heart felt absolutely speechless...

In a couple of minutes you were gone...

And I realized that my eyes were woken up from my alarm clock...

I guess this is what it's supposed to feel in a world with you...

I hated the fact that I was just in a dream with you...and extremely happy...

What If I was with you in reality?

What on earth could happen more than happiness over filling my heart and mind??

I will leave that to fate...

Maybe one day it will bring us together...

And I will no longer have to think or dream..

Questions ..

Many questions went running through my head..
Where am I  ?
what am I doing here??

and why am I still here??
why didn't I move ??
why ??

I kept asking myself many questions ..
I looked inside my heart ..
It wasn't my heart ..
It was a tired and black heart filled with hatred and pain ..
how did this happen ??

I thought that by this time ..
I'll be healthy .. cured .. and happy ..
It all feels so wrong ..
and time starts passing by ..
hours turn into days ..
and everything stays the same..
still cant find answers to these questions inside of my heart ..
and I am here loosing every part of me ..

Wait ..
where are you ??
and why didn't you come ??
what is taking you so long ??

I don't really know whats going on ..
I really cannot feel a thing ..
my heart is gone dead ..
and my mind is grieving for losing my heart ..
they are always connected .. my heart and head .. they cannot live separately ..
and my mind is going crazy for losing my heart ..
my heart was full of light .. full of love .. full of life ..
and now ..
its empty ..
numb ..
with nothing left inside..
not memories ..
not pictures ..
not even those unforgettable words that I have hidden inside ..
nothing at all ..

I can't run ..
where would I go anyways ?
I can't talk ..
for my voice is gone ..from screaming out your name ..
I can't move ..
for my legs are paralyzed from looking for you ..
I can't see..
for your image kept haunting my mind and heart that it took away my sight ..

its funny how life turns out exactly the opposite of you expected ..

All my loved ones are people that I can't seem to talk to or see ..
I don't need anyone to see..
nor to talk to ..
I just need you ..

For you are the answer to all my questions ..

Lifehouse - Always Somewhere Close

Cant get enough ..



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9E5Z1VEVO20

Confessions

I lied when I said I didn't care ..
I lied when I said I am better off ..

I admit that I waited ..
and waited for a sign from you ..
a call ..
or a message ..
until I got one today ..
your name appeared on my screen ..
and all I could think of was .. its over ..
although it barely began ..

you said that you wanted to be with me ..
but you cant.. that things are complicated ..
I didn't know what to reply ..
I stood there with silence ..
I couldn't form any sentences or words ..

I replied ..with a short sentence ..
Good luck in everything ..
and goodbye ..

I have never felt so cold or numb in my life..
but I didn't know what to say or do ..

I  still open my phone almost everyday ..
and just look at your name ..
It gives me some weird and good feeling that I can't describe in words..

you are thousand of miles away now ..
I just wish things were different ..
cause I would be with you now ..
and everything would have been different ..

farewell .. 

Mystified

just when I thought that hope found its way back to me ..

just when I thought that its finally time to move on and look ahead ..

just when I thought that my prayers were answered ..

and I no longer have to feel alone anymore ..

that my dark nights are over ..

those sleepless nights when I just wait for you to show up ..

when I hear a voice in my head that says .. your pain will heal one special day ..

I started to get my strength back again ..

and as you came along ..I wasn't sure if I was happy or numb ..

I felt a small amount of joy .. but my heart didn't feel a thing ..

your presence brought me happiness ..

I wanted to tell my heart to open itself and start to feel something .. something called emotion ..

but nothing ..

nothing at all ..

You came along , and I wanted to convince myself to let go of the past ..

and just focus on the fact that you are here .. right in front of me ..

you looked into my eyes ..and for a second I felt something ..

as if you looked into my soul ..

we sat that day .. and talked for hours , laughed and talked about everything ..

how I opened up to you ..

as If I knew you for ages ..

I don't know how I felt , but it was a good feeling ..

but I wasn't dancing with that brown skirt I wore for you ..

I went home .. took it off and looked into the mirror ..

whats wrong with me?? why don't I feel a thing ??

I thought that after I see you ..

I would want to run away with you ..

and leave everything behind ..

but no ..

I didn't feel a thing ..

you didn't call after that ..

or even send a text ..

you left me with nothing at all ..how could you ?!!? 

and now .. I feel so lost ..

I feel that I lost you ..

but how can I lose something that I never had ?

I feel that I am never going to see you again ..

did I push you away ??

did I say something wrong ??

I don't know what on earth  happened ..cause I am sure I didn't do a thing !

but every time I enter my car and put a song on ..

tears come to my eyes ..

but they don't come down ..

as if they don't know if they should cry from sadness ..

or just tolerate the pain ..

you cant just walk away and leave me with nothing !
you cant just leave me hanging waiting for your call ..
that's so unfair ..
I gave you all my trust .. and this is what you do ?
I am so thankful that my heart didn't feel a thing for you !

I sit here on my couch ..

imagining how things would have been if I was with you now..

but ..

I need to stop ..

and move on ..

its what my heart is getting used to now ..

getting hurt , healing , moving on ..

until that time comes ..when I meet that special someone ..

my heart will feel nothing at all ..

cover itself with layers ..

Until that someone comes along ..and it will reveal everything..

and take off every single layer ..

and hold them inside ..

forever ..

Saja's Writings 

My Addiction

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZ312RxA980