You..

 A Cold breeze comes rushing and hits my face ..

 I am standing here alone .. 

 just thinking how everything would change and everything would be different if I was with you ..

 If you were here beside me ..

 How i would forget the world outside ...

 and just think about how it feels like flying .. just by laying my    head on your shoulder..

 I forget about the world outside ..

 I start to cry ..

 wishing you were here with me ..

 I hate how your far away ..

 I hate how I wake up every morning ..

 and not seeing that smile on your face ...

 I'm trying to force myself..

 I'm trying to press my heart ..and prevent it from feeling  anything ..

 cause the thought of you not here alone makes my heart bleed ..

 the thought of waking up , walking , eating , sleeping without you here .. 

is painful ..

 thinking of it alone is painful ..awful .. terrible ..irritating .. pericing ..

 repeating the voice of you in my head crushes me inside ..

 I keep telling myself...

 why did I ever let you go ?

 was it the write thing to do ?!

 I start to cry ..

 and the wind dries my tears ..

 I am going crazy ..

 I cant tolerate a second without you ..

  everywhere I go ..

 your image appears right in front of my face..

 your smell is the perfume I breathe everyday ..

 your voice is the song I play in my heart every night ..

I want to reduce the pain my heart is handeling ..

so I keep walking and going to the same places we went together..

and standing there and remembering every word we said ..

and leaving a mark in that place .. cause to me its not just special... but sacred ..

I keep walking ..

and your image appears in front of me ..

that alone is revealing but painful in the same time ..

my heart keeps asking for more ..

every place every spot you went to is the medicine to my heart ..

but I cant keep doing this ..

It makes things harder and harder each day ..

I can swear that sometimes the thought of you alone 

stops my heart from breathing for 3 seconds ..

and ... as I keep begging it .. it goes back to beating again..

It was a mistake my heart speaks out ..

I reply and say..

if loving you was a mistake ..

then it was the best mistake I have ever done ..

And I will be proud to do that mistake again and again if its costs me anything..

just to be in your arms again ..

the sun came up and rised the moment you smiled ..

and the sun stopped from shining into my life the moment you left..

I miss you ..

I said it with tears in my eyes ..

Maybe ..

by time ill forget about you ..

maybe ..

maybe ...

maybe not ..

time will reveal everything ..

Free Like you Made Me..

I looked through that small circle ..

there you were..

I didn't believe it at first ..

I was so longing for your return ...

and through that small circle in the door .. I saw that beautiful face of yours ..

you were standing there..

with fear .. hesitation .. and tears in your eyes ...

I couldn't believe my eyes ..

was it you ???

I looked through that small hole again ..

My heart couldn't believe it was you ...

I opened the door ... ran towards you ..

and when I stood there..

I couldn't move..

I felt crippled ..

I stood there .. and my mouth suddenly was speechless..

and had nothing to say ..

you stood there with a million words in your eyes ..

looking at those eyes ..

 was like a whole different world ..

I was shifted and transferred to another planet ..

a planet that I knew no one but you ..

You held me in your arms ..

and I felt like a princess in my prince's arms..

on the highest cloud ..

in a beautiful world there we were .. together ..

you took me with you ..

I didn't know where we were heading..

but that was my last concern ..

being with you is what mattered ..

you took me to this huge amazing place..

where the grass was so green that It was like paradise ..

there was a million people around us ..

we started running around in the field like little children ..

I felt like a child again ..

and I felt like that only with you ..

I felt free with you ..

Free like you made me ..

We kept running and running ..

until I couldn't catch my breathe ...

it was an amazing feeling of being blessed to have you ..

of being content ..

thrilled .. overjoyed .. ecstatic..

we we were like Romeo and Juliette .. 

your smile was like stars sparkling around the sky ..

It was an indescribable moment .. 

I never wanted it to end ..

the last thing I remember..

was being with you ..

beside you ..

and that's all what mattered..

I started to move ..

oh no !! 

Im in my room ..

In my bed ..

no green field .. no sparkling stars .. 

nothing ..

it was all gone ...

It was a dream ...

it was a perfect dream..

a secret that ill never tell ..

I sat in bed ..

with a smile ..

damn .. I wish it was true ..

cause ..

I Felt so Free..

Free like you made me ..

A Rainy Day

Got my keys and headed out the house ..

I kept running and running .. waiting for an exist ..
 waiting for that feeling of relief to come ..

waiting for the raindrops to just wash away my pain,
just like it washes everything else ..

I kept running , and this cold breeze was hitting my face ..
 I felt so alone .. and the wind and rain were my only company ..

my heart rate went up to a thousand .. and I ran out of breathe ..
 but I didn't want to stop ..

I didn't want to stop and just see that flash of past just play itself right in front of me.. 

I felt so afraid .. like something was haunting me .. 

and running after me.. I looked back.. nothing ..

I felt this feeling inside of me ..
this feeling that dragged me down ,
and kept pulling me down .. my heart ached and my eyes were filled with tears.. 

I felt this shiver running through my body .. there were people walking by ..
 and others enjoying the sound of the comforting rain drops hitting the ground..

but it was just me ,,
running to release my pain .. I was all alone ..
 in a world filled  with strangers ..

I wanted to just lay down and cry ..
 I stopped running .. laid down on the grass ..
and just looked into the beauty of the stars ..

I tried to forget about everything .. 

but it all came back and played the moments in my head ..

I was so close to breaking down ..
and just bursting into tears ..
 but what's the use ?

What will I gain ?? Will I feel revealed ? No..

Should I tell anyone ? NO!

All I am getting out of people is nothing ..
they never seem to help .. So ill just get rid of it alone ..

And throw it behind me and try to let it go..
 Try to just let all these moments that cause me pain ..
get out of my head ,, out of my system .. And just move on

I just feel so numb..

I cant seem to feel a thing ..

Cant feel Love nor Hatred ..

All I feel is ..

N O T H I N G ..

and this feeling is whats making me feel so lost ..

I feel so dead .. I cant feel the "Life" I had in me ..

I feel that its gone .. that its hidden under layers and layers ... and covered with the dust of the past..

that i cant seem to get rid of ..

I feel like I am standing in one place and not being able to move...

its like I am paralyzed ..

i keep trying to make baby steps ..

but I fail ..

I am not perfect..

no one is ..

and as much as there is pain inside of me ..

I believe that I have the strength to get back up and walk again..

I also know that my heart needs help from me to heal ..

and I will do all I can..

I always try to listen to that inner voice i have inside of me ..

get back up ..

and gather your strength together ..

and start walking again ..

try to have faith , have hope , you wont fall .. no matter what ..

I will hold on ..

I will look for the strength inside of me ..

cause what doesn't kill me makes me stronger .. right ?

I will have faith .. and hope ..

that one day ..

on a specific time and date ..

you will walk into my life ..

and just erase everything ..

and make my life a story worth telling ..

I don't know you  ..

nor I know who you are or what your name is ..

your a stranger to me ..

a stranger ..

that one day ..

will make my Rainy days special ..

and make a feeling of comfort in the rain, one that lovers only know...so we lay hand in hand while the water rose ..

I finally have to say ..that..

There's a lesson in the rain that change will always come..

Gone ..In a Second ..

I headed up to my room...

Running up the stairs...

Keeping my tears from coming down...

And as I was bending down to grab my headphones...

To listen to the melody... that sad melody of your absence...

I felt this sudden pain in my heart...

I put my hand on it 

Checked if it's okay...

A sudden pain overcame my heart...

I don’t want you to feel pain...

You're too weak to bear any pain...

I whispered...

He is gone now...

And even if he comes back, don’t let him in again...

Let him go, let him walk away...

He didn't fight for you anyways...

But, I really want to hold him for the last time...

My heart replied...

You won't gain a thing but pain...

Sigh...

I wish I can look into your eyes for the last time...

And let my eyes do the talking...

And just stand in silence...

I came downstairs

With tears in my eyes...

Holding them... not wanting to open up the wound...

You meant something to me... but I couldn’t bear the pain

I had to stop myself from thinking about you

And the fact that you are gone

I pressed play...and listened to that sad melody...

I took a deep breath and tears were filling my eyes...

I am going to miss you...

I am going to miss everything...

Your smile...

Your eyes...

Your name...

I feel so scared...

 So cold...

Sleepless...

What now?

Do you even care?

Do you even know how much you mean to me?

How is it easy for you to just walk away?

I wrote you a letter saying it's not easy to let you go...

That it's not going to be easy on me...

I wait for your response...

I got nothing

Nothing at all

All I heard was nothing

Nothing

I wanted words but all I heard was nothing

Here I am

Left with no answers

Left here without you

Left with just a memory

A small piece of you that u left behind

Holding on to it

Till the time comes

When I let you go

Blow the ashes of your memory away

And just erase your name

..And move on